There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
