just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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