Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
