So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
