So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
