so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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