Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
