Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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