As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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