I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
