no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
