i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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