Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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