I should be sponsored by Trojan
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
