have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
