he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
