normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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