hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
