they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
