if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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