I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
