its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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