if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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