when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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