I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
