Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
