I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
