i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
