i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
