Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
