I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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