woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
