i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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