im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
