Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
