I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
