yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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