well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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