I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
