You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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