oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
