end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
