Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
