Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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