Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
