I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
