you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
