bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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