the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
