WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
