This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
