Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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