Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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