and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize