Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
