Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
