Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
