plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
