is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is Oprah even human
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
