so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
