So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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