what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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