ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
