biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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