I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she told me i tasted like america
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
