you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
