Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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