Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
