That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
