Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
