TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
