the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
