You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We need to get me chipped asap
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
