Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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