she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
