My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
