we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
