Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
